paradigm: December 2007

28 December 2007

happy

new year

! ! !

I need to thank all my friends for helping me through what has been THE most trying year of my entire life. Please know that I love and cherish each and every one of you. I'm truly blessed with the best friends. Hopefully I've not worn anyone out through all this. Always know I'll be here for you all too.

Here's to a wonderful New Year! ! !

xo...pj

Well, I survived this first Christmas...though...not without the all too familiar feeling of a tear running down my cheek. Christmas mornings are now going to involve a cold, quiet visit to a hill in the country where, between two cedar trees, a piece of my heart is buried.

Guess that's how life goes...it just does.

Now we need to engrave my mother's stone...I came up with...

An angel, who walked among us, watches over us still.

calendar girl

19 December 2007

(the) last Christmas

Christmas Past

Christmas morning breakfast

smell of country ham that Daddy cooked

the biscuits

"Barry...can you go get Anna?"

"Where's the tape?"

going to the Tilley family reunion Christmas Eve

Anna's envelopes with money

riding around looking at lights

midnight Mass at Duke

Snoopy and the Red Baron

the girls handing out presents

"Can I open just one present before I go to bed?"

"Mama...where did you hide the chocolate fudge?"

"Wrap Nikki's birthday present and DON'T USE CHRISTMAS PAPER! ! !"

"Joni's in labor! ! !"

decorating the tree...that was my job

"Doug! ! ! Come quick...Santa left a pinball machine on the carport! ! !"

"How is Santa gonna get into our house? We don't have a chimney."

"Santa doesn't have time to wrap presents."

Mariah Carey's Christmas album blaring and us singing

setting the table with the Christmas linens, china & accessories

sausage balls

piles and piles of presents

Daddy & Doug's presents never fit inside the house

"The Stockings" - 3 feet long and packed every year laying under the tree, she gave them to each of us to keep last year

stopping by Mandy and Howard's (aunt & uncle); their white tree and glamourous house

the St. Bernard next door eating the whole ham

the ornaments

last Christmas, sitting with Mama drinking a glass of wine with the lights out and watching the Christmas tree lights...trying to soak it all in and remember everything to the last detail...

"Mama...is that Rudolph?"

18 December 2007

4 zeh

13 December 2007

I came across a cache of old photos

And invitations to teenage parties

Dress in white one said, with quotations

From someones wife, a famous writer

In the nineteen-twenties

When youre young you find inspiration

In anyone whos ever gone

And opened up a closing door

She said: we were never feeling bored

Cause we were never being boring

We had too much time to find for ourselves

And we were never being boring

We dressed up and fought, then thought: make amends

And we were never holding back or worried that

Time would come to an end

When I went I left from the station

With a haversack and some trepidation

Someone said: if youre not careful

Youll have nothing left and nothing to care for

In the nineteen-seventies

But I sat back and looking forward

My shoes were high and I had scored

Id bolted through a closing door

I would never find myself feeling bored

Cause we were never being boring

We had too much time to find for ourselves

And we were never being boring

We dressed up and fought, then thought: make amends

And we were never holding back or worried that

Time would come to an end

We were always hoping that, looking back

You could always rely on a friend

Now I sit with different faces

In rented rooms and foreign places

All the people I was kissing

Some are here and some are missing

In the nineteen-nineties

I never dreamt that I would get to be

The creature that I always meant to be

But I thought in spite of dreams

Youd be sitting somewhere here with me

Cause we were never being boring

We had too much time to find for ourselves

And we were never being boring

We dressed up and fought, then thought: make amends

And we were never holding back or worried that

Time would come to an end

We were always hoping that, looking back

You could always rely on a friend

And we were never being boring

We had too much time to find for ourselves

And we were never being boring

We dressed up and fought, then thought: make amends

And we were never being boring

We were never being bored

Cause we were never being boring

We were never being bored

12 December 2007

e-mail to the edge...

Ok..Take a second....close your eyes and think of this...

Take a deep breath
Think of the beach
Think of those who love and adore you
Know how talented you are - Believe it
Know how handsome and beautiful you are inside and out
Believe in your faith

I stand behind you no matter what

You are loved.